Sunday, August 06, 2006

Life on Earth: Saving the world in my spare time using only my fabulous brain power

I think it was KD who told me this Buddhist pearl of wisdom, which is (inexpertly quoted), that every time we do good, the same amount of evil comes into being.
It’s a yin yang thing apparently – the way a world operates when it’s divided into opposite poles.

Today, listening to the radio only for short intervals, I heard about:

1. The terrible struggle facing new immigrants to Canada, who, although better educated and more qualified than they have ever been, inevitably end up working minimum wage jobs and living in rotting suburbs.

2. The tent cities of homeless people mushrooming up around the Seine, in France.

3. The latest attack on Israel, the latest attack on Lebanon. The head count of the dead.

4. The inadequate apologies of the Catholic Church regarding the molestation of 47 children by a Bishop of the church.

5. Local crimes and misdemeanors – which seem to be increasing in violence and frequency.

So! I have had enough. Something must be done. I’ve concluded that, if good is creating evil, we are all being far too nice. One quick edition of the news is proof positive.

I urge you all to tell the next woman who asks you if the outfit she’s wearing makes her look fat to tell her, “Yes, you look a perfect cow in that outfit and what happened to your hair?” Stop smiling at children immediately. Let that door you walk through slam in the elderly lady’s face.

Don’t say “please” or “thank you,” or shut up when you see that someone clearly needs to speak. For the love of humanity, stop giving to charity and recycling and remembering your lonely old granny’s birthday, and get in that big fat gas-guzzling SUV and drive like hell just for fun. Run a red light.

Get drunk in public and critique everyone who walks by you. Cheat on your taxes (ok – cheat bigger). Try making petty theft a hobby, then try a bank. Don’t give to charity, don’t feed the hungry. Ridicule difference, be a racist bigot, aspire to unapologetic greed, pride and sloth. Abuse any power you can steal.

Lean, mean and snake-vicious, we’ll save what’s left of the world. Do it for the children.

This has been a public service announcement from Radio Station LOE. Thank you for your bandwidth.