12. I didn’t lose my virginity. I flung it away deliberately. I was curious and I got tired of it being such an issue. At 15, I met an actor and artist – an older man of 23 - and I feel in love with the romantic idea of the Suffering Artist. (The reality, I have since imagined, was probably pretty stupid or mundane.) One night, I was at his downtown Toronto apartment and deliberately missed my last bus home. He was doing his best to leave the jail-bait alone and planned to have me sleep safely on the couch. While he was getting blankets, I stripped to my underwear and stood by the window waiting for him to come back. I’m sure you can all imagine the limits of self-control possessed by a 23 year old man.
My reaction to the big event was: A. I can’t believe I’m doing this! and B. This is it? This is the big deal?
Since then, I have experienced sex as a much bigger and better deal. (For those of you who might be concerned.)
Footnote. I had an older girlfriend, who, “in my own interest,” snitched to my parents. My evil step-mother of the time sent me straight to the doctor to be tested for VD and my father, half-heartedly (I figure Evil Stepmother put him up to it) threatened to sue the guy for statutory rape. I assured my father I’d jump off the highest building I could find if he pursued that course.
And after that, I got sneakier and didn’t tell. Oh. And the VD test added about thirty layers of guilt I had to battle through for years. Not that it stopped me.
9 comments:
Hip, Hip, Hurray for Marigoldie! Not only is she inspiring me but now LJ has the bug. I predict that great writing will come out of this. More LJ, More!
I so often come here and get absorbed in your world. Your writing is always just right - not forced, not awkwardly stumbled through, not fingers frantically hammering keys...it's thoughtful, perfectly timed, accented with just the right details. Effortless to read.
I agree with Koru's daughter - More, LJ, More.
I am bloated with praise, guys! Now you've gone and done it.
Yes, yes, more, more!
And in my perfect blog world, everyone would be posting about their first sexual encounter. It's pretty fascinating stuff.
I was 18, he was 26, we were watching The Last Waltz on A&E. On my parents' couch. My parents were asleep upstairs. I had mononucleosis.
I know, M! I memorized your 100. Laughing. No, but both Koru's daughter and me are using your 100 to bounce off. See what you started!
Oh man! How cool. But where is Koru's Daughter's blog?
Sorry! Everyday sutras...link on the right hand side.
LJ, I want to hear your chopstick policy.
I love this post!!!!!!!! Great story. I wish I had my what's-the-big-freakin'-deal moment when I was 12, instead of romanticizing it for my entire adolesence and then having it at 17 with the wrong person.
I'm a tad squeemish about posting my past sexual exploits, you know, being a mom and a role model now, (!), but I must admit I'm tempted!!!
Post a Comment