Wednesday, April 05, 2006

Notes from The Home

Prodded on by your generous and foolish acceptance of my fancy-ass version of the I-have-nothing-to-say entry, I’ve decided to unload more perfectly meaningless information.

For instance, my house smells like a funeral home. (Speak of being dead, huh?)
Saturday, I purchased white lilies with pink centers. At the time they were long narrow buds. Now they are monstrous, yawning blossoms big enough to look like they’d eat a house cat if I had one. And they…They stink. I hate to admit that. I would like to tell you the scent of heaven wafts through my living room, but funeral home is what comes to mind.

I can’t throw them out. I am tender with plants and stones. Perfectly capable of shooting dirty looks at helpless beleaguered mothers with crying babies, a teenager with leaky headphones on my bus whom I call “Heavy Metal Deaf Boy” and anyone within audible range talking on a cell phone. I am perfectly capable of eating fellow-mammals fried up with onions and sliced fungus. I cannot murder a plant. Even one that was, for all intents and purposes, dead when I bought it.

I will not ever sleep in a room where my feet are towards the door, or a window is behind me. But I forget to lock my door at night.

I swear like a sailor but will not use terms like “download” or “interface” in any sense unconnected with computers. I hate the term, “twenty-four seven” because it’s prison language – origins quickly lost, grown fashionable and used by those who have no idea of the painful hell it refers to.

There now. I think I’ve dispelled a little of the calm. Thank you for your patience.


Teri said...

Interesting about 24/7. And I hear you about Stargazer Lilies...lovely, but geez. After they overstay their olfactory welcome, they drop that dark orange powder from their pistols (or stamens?) that stains your tablecloth.

I, too, swear like a sailor. I believe there is a time and place for that kind of language, but my range of acceptable times and places is probably wider than most people's. I just think that the language is richer with certain four-letter words included!

People say I'd better cut it out before Tessa starts repeating what I say. I agree, however I would much rather she swear for emphatic or comedic purposes than say hateful things.

Jess D'Zerts said...

LJ, it's the pollen that stinks so bad. What I've done with lilies in the past is take a little pair of manicure scissors, trim off all those little orange pollen spikes and get them out of the house. Actually, better if you take the whole thing outside and trim them out there so the fall-out falls... well... out. Voila! Stinkless lilies!

LJ said...

Hi Teri! Swearerereres of the world unite. I tend to think of four letter words as "rich" myself - but I'm laughing imagining the look on your face if Tessa's picks a few up. You're right about hateful things, too. Better blue than mean.

Jess. Thanks for the tip. They're so gorgeous, the lilies. And I've bought lilies before and never, I swear (the other kind of swear)have never smelled the things. They are exiled at the moment - but I'll try clipping their spikes and see if that helps.

Do you think it would be ok to clip the people on the bus, too? As a hint?
Just asking.

Marigoldie said...

Wait, LJ, what's wrong with sleeping with your feet facing the door and your head facing the window?

LJ said...

Hi Marigoldie.
Feng Shui principles. They carry you out of your bedroom feet first when you depart for the big shoe store in the sky. And, apparently, energy leaks out a window.
This sounds absurd - but when I first moved, until I got my bed into this position (window beside, not behind)and feet away from the door, I had terrible insomnia.
Feng Shui is, of course, very complex - but even the few principles I've learned make a big improvement in how a place feels (to me). Especially the de-cluttering thing - which I don't do enough.

phlegmfatale said...

Nothing to say, eh? I love the sight of you walking it off. Another great post. I love the scent of lilies, though I'm sorry to see by a later post that you are allergic!

Jess D'Zerts said...

LJ, re clipping people on the bus: if ya think you're big enough, go ahead and do us all a favor! ;-)

LJ said...

Hi Pfatale. I loved the smell too - at first.
And then, lord - the allergies kicked in and it turns out that if these lilies had been competing in the smell olympics, they'd have been disqualified for steroid use.
My apartment has carpet everywhere and windows on one side. No air circulation. The scent was SO over-powering that that it sledge-hammered you at the door.
Today, I bundled their remains in three plastic bags - tied - and I could still smell them when I walked by. These lilies, my dear, were not RIGHT...they were alien lilies, I'm sure of it. I've often bought lilies before and love them but these? These were downright spooky!

LJ said...

Jess? In my neighborhood, I'd get clipped back. But isn't it a great thought?