Wednesday, May 17, 2006

My name is not Linda and I am not an addicted blogger. I can quit. Anytime.

Honestly, this isn’t a blog entry. This is merely a quote. Someone else’s writing. I could not, for the very life of me, remember where I’d seen this poem – until (for the fifth time, at least) I read Anne Lamott’s Bird by Bird.

This is a thank you for your unwarranted and valued support. And for Jess’s suggestion that you could all snicker at me even if I didn’t blog. An idea this poet would surely have loved as much as I do. Dysfunctional, you say, BB? Hope you all love this as much as I do.

Here goes:

We who are
your closest friends
feel the time
has come to tell you
that every Thursday
we have been meeting,
as a group,
to devise ways
to keep you
in perpetual uncertainty
discontent and
by neither loving you
as much as you want
nor cutting you adrift.
Your analyst is
in on it,
plus your boyfriend
and your ex-husband;
and we have pledged
to disappoint you
as long as you need us.
In announcing our
we realize we have
placed in your hands
a possible antidote
against uncertainty
indeed against ourselves.
But since our Thursday nights
have brought us
to a community
of purpose
rare in itself
with you as
the natural center,
we feel hopeful you
will continue to make unreasonable
demands for affection
if not as a consequence
of your disastrous personality
then for the good of the collective.

-Phillip Lopate


Jess D'Zerts said...

Well, a fine example this is of you swearing off for a few days. Oddly, I am now laughing harder than if you had actually posted. Go figger.

Mary said...

Well, I don't see what's funny about that poem ... it's a simple statement of fact ;-).

Do what you need to do LJ. Maybe cutting blogging down rather than cutting it out? But take a rest and forget about it for a while if you need to do that

LJ said...

Your friends TOO, M??
Well. We're doing our civic duty, huh?

I'm fine, actually. Just had the impulse to hit "delete" on half the entries - which would have amounted to pretending a perfection that isn't real. But, yes, I think that until I get through teaching plans, CVs, student handouts, and supply gathering, I'll have to cut back at little.

Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.

Koru's Daughter said...

Hi Linda, Is all of this stuff due right now? Or do they need some propaganda right now and you can do the other stuff later. Just checking on whether you are pretending a deadline which isn't real. Please do not overload the "horse."

LJ said...

Most of it due by the end of May, which a week and a little away - with day job leaving only weekends. I'm at about 8 pages right now, KD. Written and rewritten. Teaching outline - 2 classes.
Bio. Photos of work. Handouts for students detailing what they buy from me and what they have to buy from retailers. Figuring out bead quantities, all the prices etc. It's a lot. I'm about 2/3 of the way.
"Horse" will have to manage.
On the other hand - I had a little voice dialogue sitdown with the characters from the dream I sent you.
I had to reason, very gently with the woman at the deep fryer and promise her things in exchange for more cheery assistance.

phlegmfatale said...

This is absolutely hilarious, and I can think of several people I know who need to read it!