Sunday, July 16, 2006

Useful advice


Household and nutrition hints from a woman who lives on freshly prepared nuclear food, hot out of the microwave, eating while she stands up or types with one hand
(subtitled: notes to myself)

1. If you put a dead plant in a large, heavy ceramic planter on the balcony, retrieve it before it rains for a month and grows a coat of thick green algae on the top.

2. Do not put a can of spray Pledge on top of the stove in the middle of dusting and then decide to turn on a burner.

3. Cheetos & coffee are not adequate breakfast food for the human body.

4. Sitting at the computer, answering email and writing a blog – or playing with PSP, are not forms of housework. Documenting yourself standing beside a vacuum does not amount to vacuuming.

5. Wash your sheets once a week so that your laundry basket is not stuffed with four to six of them by the time you actually do laundry.

6. Do not throw the once-worn, I-think-it’s-still-pretty-clean-camisole back into the dresser drawer. Remind yourself that this leads to washing ALL the camisoles because you can’t remember which one is making the drawer smell closety.

7. President’s Choice 3 Cheese Mac and Cheese is not doing your ass any favors.

8. Gin and tonic, imbibed at a housework break, does not inspire you to continue cleaning.

9. Vacuum before you have to empty the dirt catcher on the Red Devil after vacuuming half a room.

10. Always keep your stones clean. Nothing is more indicative of bad housekeeping than ten bowls of dusty rocks.


PS..Please note that I am shining with the sweat of effort and Hard Work in the above picture. Either that or it's the humidity and Gin.

11 comments:

herhimnbryn said...

Oh LJ, this sounds so familiar! Thanks for making me smile at this ungodly hour of the morning(6am).

LJ said...

Hi H!
Slatterns of the world unite! If we have a burst of energy, of course. (Isn't that a GREAT word? "Slatterns???")

chuck said...

I requested my first G&T in years tonight (my usual preference being a 'cadillac' marguerita- with extra smooth tequila).

Though it was 'designer gin' (Bombay Sapphire) and made for a nice change...I think next time I have a cocktail, it will be back to margueritas.

Still the G&T was a nice adjunct to fried clam strips and chowder.

hmmmm....Cocktails along with housework: worth a try!

LJ said...

Hi Chuck...

If you don't like Bombay Sapphire, just keep looking at that fabulous blue bottle. It casts a spell. The spell works best when you're hot and sweaty and don't want to vacuum. And apparently when there are clam strips and chowder!

Jessie said...

Well, thanks a lot for makin' me laugh out loud at the library. The weird little man with the duck-feather hair-do at the next table keeps lookin' at me now. I suppose this is what I deserve for hanging around bloggers who are obsessed with housekeeping tools that suck.

phlegmfatale said...

you look adorable with your blue feather duster. # 9 is my favorite - I'm not the most motivated housekeeper myself. I have tons of interesting shit, but I need a staff to tidy up after me. Fate is so cruel not to have made me independently wealthy. *tee hee*

LJ said...

Hi Jess. I DO actually have days when I clean...but this was a day when it was too hot and humid and lazy to focus on anything. Still, I got it done - AND cooked. I'm glad it got a laugh, my attention deficit housekeeping.

PF.."Not motivated" sounds so much better than "lazy and scattered." The same cruel fate afflicts us both. A love of beautiful expensive things (shoes, lamps)combined with lack of "motivation" in the household arts.
Staff would be nice. May I have a cute pool guy?

Vita said...

Hey, great list. How do you clean your rocks, I mean stones? I threw the ones I use to keep the soap dry into the basket in the dishwasher. I wish I could have some lovely cool drink, but I think I'll just have to settle for water because I have to go out later. Besides, I think I'm hampered by only liking wine, beer, and Scotch. Poor me.

LJ said...

Vita...My rocks are decorative...they range from river rocks to big chunks of amethyst and aquamarine and Pietersite etc. All rocks give off energy and take it in. I rinse mine in cold water - no soap or cleaning stuff - and then let them air dry. Certain semi-precious stones can suffer damage to their surfaces if put them in contact with salt water or soap - and it's bad for their energy. The bowls get cleaned with soap and water.

phlegmfatale said...

I'll let you have the cute pool guy, but you may have a fight on your hands if I don't have sole domain over the whipping boy!

Vita said...

Ah. I don't think I'll use mine to hold the soap out of the water in the soap bowl anymore. Some of them aren't rocks. I put rocks with marbles and a bouncing ball that looks like a marble, and I started out with just marbles with the soap, but there weren't quite enough. Some of my rocks are agates, and some are volcanic, and some are sea shells. I just called them all rocks. I may sort them out again. What sort of bowls do you use? Are they big? Are they clay? Are they glass? I got a microfiber duster. It works great, and the head is washable.