Sunday, February 04, 2007

Growing old gracelessly

On Tuesday, I am interupted by a student. He asks his question and I answer, distractedly. He hovers and I look up. "How long has it been," he wants to know, "since you cut your hair?"
"Last week. Actually."
"I like how long it is," he blurts, "and how you always wear those clothes that...float."
I am wearing a tailored jacket at the time. I'm a little stunned by the comment. He is so terribly earnest and self-conscious and probably all of 22 or 23 years old. I'd never noticed that he even looked at me.

Now, it would seem a man only ten years older than that is courting me. At least, he is pursuing the "me" whose photographs he's seen. The "me" who is a voice on the phone and words in email. I begin by thinking we might be friends.
What is puzzling is that the more straight-forward I am, the less he goes away. "I am my age," I say, "I have the imperfections that go with it."
"Doesn't matter," he replies.
"I'm not rushing into anything," I tell him, "so the question is: how much of a hurry are you in?" Usually this throws men off in less time than it takes to finish the sentence.
"No hurry at all."

I tell him about the relationship I'm in. The bare bones facts. That if I take up with someone, this other person, who is very important and dear to me, will step back, out of my life. "I think you've made your position clear," he says. He says it calmly and evenly.

I send an email. "If there is chemistry in person, and that is if..." He replies, "that's not even a question."

He's so calm that it makes me feel a little frantic. I'm holding my breath, waiting for the other shoe to drop. He's creative, even makes a living being creative. He seems too stable to believe...loves his family, his dog. No temper, he claims. He's attractive. No, he's really attractive. He's a loner but not so much that he can't function in a spotlight - which is his job.
Like me, he doesn't want a live-in arrangement and equally doesn't want superficial relationship.

I do a chart comparison. There it is again. "This is an unusual relationship and it will not survive being forced into a conventional shape." Some stuff about the depth of impact, the potential for changing both people. Do I ever get a comparison that says, "You will get along beautifully. This will be peaceful and harmonious?" No. I don't.

In the old days, women used to finish their lives in nunneries, in "severe contemplation." I wonder when it is going to occur to me that this might be a good idea. I wonder if this is a train wreck waiting to happen.

19 comments:

zhoen said...

Ask him about his friends.

Teri said...

I'm riveted. Please go on.

(Missed you!)

LJ said...

Zhoen...I'll do that. He's so not a word-person that I have to keep asking question to get him talking. I'll have to think of something specific - like, "who is your best friend and what do you like most about them?" He seems to enjoy the questions. And he seems to be quite truthful... (All of it is in the "seems" category right now.)
Hi Teri! I'm sending him the link to your Venus Rising Video if you don't mind. He's a studio musician - but his own thing is bluegrass and acoustic.
Jitender - I'll try to update the plot while you wait endlessly for the Canadian government to move its lazy behind and let you move here.

Darkmind said...

Yeah, not to turn you off to this new opportunity (you seem to be able to do that on your own) but what someone seems like to the people they meet and what they really are like are sometimes two VERY different things. I am living proof of that...Think about it: Calm, creative, charming, even tempered, relatively quiet but able to put on a "I'm not shy" facade...It SCREAMS of Ted Bundy. And on top of that, he is courting a much older woman who will be less likely to defend herself when he decides its time to turn you into cold cuts and lamp shades. Just a thought. I'm not suggesting you don't persue this, just -ya know -bring mace and a knife...

herhimnbryn said...

Hmmmmmm......being what I understand is a typical Libran, I am going to sit on the fence here. Sounds exciting and possibly exhilerating....it also sounds too good to be true.

But then who am I but a stranger thousands of miles away......just go a little carefully lj.

LJ said...

Darkmind. Did you ever consider you might meet a woman and really like her? And you may not consider this as careful procedure, but I've seen his birth chart. There is an aspect in there that indicates he is attracted to older women. It isn't the first time I've met someone with this aspect - and it's real enough. However, I'll take your caution to heart. I am doing that.
H. As above. And he's making it easy to go slowly.
God. Darkmind, damn! I just realized that anything I said to you about this could be interpreted as You Are Now In Ted Bundy Territory. Including the fact that I'm very fond of you.

zhoen said...

Jitsan is spam, best deleted quickly, by the by.


And, D is seven years older than me. I don't think it would matter to him if I were 20 years older.

Minor Deity said...

C'mon - if you were in a peaceful, harmonious relationship... you'd get bored and we wouldn't have your blog entires to read. ;)

Jessie said...

Happy birthday, LJ!

LJ said...

Jessie, you snitched!

herhimnbryn said...

H
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Mella said...

Oooh! You're a birthday girl?! Hope it was wonderful!

chuck said...

LJ

!happy birthday!

...and many more!

Darkmind said...

I thought it might have been your birthday, LJ. There was a strange downward spike to a zero reading on my universal deniability sensor regarding temporally overlapping equations of jolliness, goodness, fellows, and LJ.

Jessie said...

Heh... :-P

LJ said...

Thank you for the birthday wishes, cash may be sent to...
Just kidding. (Well, if you WANT to send cash, just say so).

zhoen said...

Oh, belated, but still earnest happiness!

Marigoldie said...

Happy mutual and belated b-day, LJ. Here's to you, me & Zsa Zsa.

LJ said...

Thanks Zhoen - and Marigoldie, don't forget Ronald Regan. Yuck.