Friday, February 16, 2007

Would you date this woman?

My new profile:

"A friend of mine claims that nothing is a waste of time if you get a good story out of it and I'm inclined to agree. I'm collecting some great stories here although my original intention was to actually meet people. Now, I'm a novice here but I'd like to hand out a few small tips to the gentlemen.

1. You can pay people for phone sex. There are 1-900 numbers. Get your wallet out. Don't call me.
2. If you say you are going to call at a particular time, please do it - otherwise I believe that you are, well...being disrespectful of my time. If something comes up and you can't call, send a note to explain.
3. Don't suggest Tim Horton's. If I want to have a date in a place with the ambience of a public washroom, I'll let you know.
4. If you are from out of town and in Halifax for two days, don't ask if I'd like to meet you. Dinner is not what is on your agenda and I am not brain dead.
5. If you are looking for a "real" woman, figure out what that means first.
6. Most women have a past. If you want a woman with no past, they make life-size rubber dolls for that.
7. Use spell check.
8. "Successful" is a matter of opinion. Employed is fine - as long as you are passionate about something and engaged with life, curious, and aware of something beyond your golf clubs.
9. Overnight stays are not a go for the first meeting.
10. Please, please. Have a sense of humour."

**Note - Since posting this, the email has slowed to a crawl. I can't imagine why.


Darkmind said...

LJ, 85% of your list is "must nots", and you mention nothing about yourself. Don't worry, though. There's bound to be a guy out there who sees this profile and thinks "I like my women like I like my coffee - cold and bitter." BWA HA HA HA!!!

LJ said...

Actually, D - fedup was what I was going for at the time.
And SOME ding dong actually wrote:
"Ill b online 2night. Want to chat?"
See? It was an anti-ad.

Darkmind said...

Why not have some fun and have some anti-chat with the ding dong tonight? BWA HA HA HA!! You can have fun messing with his head!

jess said...

Here, LJ, you may borrow this if you want:
2night Ill b busy learning to type so fast that I won't have time to think "what is a quicker way to spell 'tonight I'll be busy...'"

beadbabe49 said...'re a treasure!

and lb...this will indeed weed out the dweebs....only darkmind has the time to "play" with them...;)

LJ said...

Jess is a treasure. Darkmind too - although I may not take all his suggestions.

Minor Deity said...

But... you've always got time for Tim Horton's! ;)
You also forgot to add proper grammar to the list. Nothing annoys me like incorrect usage.

chuck said...

When I hitchhiked through HALIFAX in 1968, I tried a 'Scotian treat' called RAPPIE PIE: mashed potatoes and 'rendered' fat in a pie crust. Is this still a specialty of Nova Scotia (definitely, a stick-to-the-ribs food

Do they serve this at Tim Horton's?

Since I have survived since 1968 without a second serving of RAPPIE PIE, maybe it is time again to sample RAPPIE PIE at a Halifax restaurant.

As I grew up eating SPAM sandwiches
for lunch, the appeal of RAPPIE PIE is familiar: IT FILLS ONE UP.

chuck said...

Dinner is not supposed to be on my agenda?


Then, again, it's a long walk to NOVA SCOTIA ("and I am, after all, a married man")...

Again and again, I must remind myself to limit my encounters with women to chaste visitations in the blogosphere...sensible visitation of the nineteenth century, Victorian ideal--yes, a moderntimes
Jane Eyre in a man's body am I: passionate, yet prudent; sensate, yet sensible ('tee hee').

(And full of BS as ever, am I.)

As you say, LJ, a sense of humour is a most valuable asset!

LJ, I always enjoy your verbal forays, essays, diatribes, exigeses, "spins", yarns, beads of truth, and words of encouragement...

LJ said...

MD - I was being gracious. I say that with a straight face because I am one nervy woman. There is no END to what I left off the list.
Chuck - Tims? Donuts, coffee, chili and light lunches. Nothing as interesting as rappie pie (or salt cod etc.)

Marigoldie said...

Amen to #5.