White sky and rain, day three. An hour ago, I threw on Capri's and a linen shirt, yanked my hair into the habitual ponytail, washed my face and scrubbed the green and blue ink off my fingers. Earlier, I was in my ancient navy housecoat, molding inked and gold-leafed polymer clay into a cover for a screw clasp and generally making a cheery mess in my studio.
Energy. Mine comes and goes like something connected with faulty wires. I never seem to know when it will connect. Today it's working and as usual, I'm a little frantic trying to do everything I've left undone - last night's dishes, the shopping list, the everlasting tidying of the coffee table, finishing a necklace I've worked on for days. Oh yes, and taking photos of the necklace too.
I've had words with my significant other. It's left me with an uncertain heart, a question mark. Stasis again. A void. He is incommunicado, thinking things over.
And during this silence, months since I've heard from either of them, my ex-husband and ex-lover call contact me.
It would be easy to dismiss this as a random happening were I a person who believed the universe to be random. As it is, I wonder if I'm being reminded that people come and people go as if my life was a slowly revolving door. And that for all my trying to jam a foot in that ponderously, relentlessly turning door, I don't even slow it for a second.
The universe regularly announces,"You are not in control." Control-freak that I am, I nod acknowledgment and go right on battling that door.
Today though, I'm just going to run with the energy. Step away from the door entirely.
As my ex-husband said, "You just get to the point where you realize you do okay on your own."
That's enough truth to do me for today.
9 comments:
Don't jam your foot in the door if it keeps moving. It tends to hurt. ;)
Seriously, though, it sounds like life in general to me... I fully expect never to hear from or see my ex on the West Coast again, but my fiancee figures that she'll pop up when neither of us expect it.
Funny thing is, she's usually right.
ah, life...it does with us what it will....
just remember you have good friends...and they are pretty much always there to rely on...a gift from the same randomness that takes away lovers....
MD...Your fiance is probably right.
I've had lots of practice running into my past..and it's always a different experience. It was great talking to my ex-husband. And although he had sad news, it was good hear from the Scorpio, too.
Lauren...I really loved "a gift from the same randomness..." And yeah. I'm feeling pretty good today. Content with whatever the "randomness" throws my way next.
Do what you are doign..go with the energy.
Good to see you posting again. I know life has more important things to throw at us than blogging (turning 50 has turned my life around:^). However, I have missed your thoughtful words lj.
H, my dear friend...Good to see you commenting. I miss writing, you know, but life just so full. 50 is the absolute best, you know. A wonderful, wonderful age. Not always easy, but sure as hell interesting.
Happy Christmas lj.
Love hhb
Interesting, yes, and hopefully the door keeps revolving - step out when it looks good.
Herhimnbryn! Joe! Hi you two...
Happy New Year! I did, Joe. More or less. Happily on my own - with past friends and lovers popping in on an irregular basis. All is well.
Your blog keeps getting better and better! Your older articles are not as good as newer ones you have a lot more creativity and originality now keep it up!
Post a Comment