Wednesday, October 24, 2007

F*ck it anyway. Girls just want to have fun.


So, another man I really click with - surprise - has huge, enormous, continent-sized intimacy issues. I allow myself to be truly naked with this man - the kind of naked that goes well beyond taking your clothes off - and although he is tossing around words like "enthralled" at the time - two days later he's saying he doesn't want his life "disrupted" by any woman.

Yes indeed.

Last night's therapy was posting the above photograph and a new, take-no-prisoners profile on the Plenty of Fish site:

"You want a lady in the streets and a wild woman in the sheets? You want passion but don’t want it to stray out of your exact comfort zone? Look elsewhere, because I’m not tame and I won’t darn your socks and write the Christmas cards. I'll understand whatever deep hurts you bear but I won't pander. I’m not appropriate unless you possess tenderness and nerve in equal quantities. I’m not appropriate unless you’re a realist who knows how to dream. I come with history (and if you say the word “baggage” once, you’re deleted from the mailbox). I’m not a one-night stand. I’m not what you expect. I don’t want to own you and I don’t want to be owned. I expect the same respect I'll extend to you. I expect caring and give it back tenfold. I don't care what age you are (within reason) just please be ferociously alive. Having said that, I am fiercely loyal, monogamous with the right person, deep down practical when necessary, sensual, sexual, creative, honest, intelligent and funny. And if you mess me with me, you better be serious about what connection really means. And if you write - let me know you read this. If you're just fishing idly - fish elsewhere."

Suddenly I am so very popular. Overnight I am on 16 "favorites" lists and my inbox is filling up. Good for me. A ton of strangers, 99% of whom I will have zero interest in have written to me. One polite question about whether I've ever let anyone worship my feet. And I'm so raw myself that I write back respectfully, kindly - because goddess knows I don't want to make anyone else feel this shitty. In spite of the dubious results, writing the post was damn good as a temporary wall between me and black, consuming sadness. And let's face it - at least I wrote something.

Tonight's therapy is dancing wildly to Cyndi Lauper's "Sisters of Avalon" and writing this post. The dancing, at least, takes my mind of the fact that I can come up with ideas for art but can't actually produce any. It fascinates the cat - who watches from a safe distance, looking utterly astonished.

This afternoon I proposed to Detta, my equally long-suffering coworker. We agreed that we both needed a wife and that because we could at least recognize each other's innate fabulousness, we were a good match.

Whistling whistling whistling past the graveyard. To Cyndi Lauper.

16 comments:

Minor Deity said...

Gee, you and Detta sound like you've got the same arrangement that the partner and I came to before we started dating - if we were both unmarried before we hit 40, we'd marry each other.

Looks like that might happen... but who knows?

So watch who you propose to. ;)

Dale said...

(swallowing painfully) er, that's a very nice picture.

What is wrong with the men up there?

LJ said...

You and your partner are opposite sexes. For Detta and me, we'd have to switch preferences.

Dale? Dunno. Honest to god.

beadbabe49 said...

are you beading this for the bjp? because it would be incredible if you could get even just a bit of this to morph into beadart!

LJ said...

BB - I wish I was. Maybe.

jessie said...

LJ, I'm not sure which is worse, missing one's mojo, or lacking the one U necessary to give one's thought the full measure of impact it deserves. I don't know where my mojo is, but I have a spare U that I'm willing to swap for your *. Let me know!

LJ said...

Oh. No doubt of the fact that you're back. LMAO, as those who have forgotten the English language say.

Kate said...

Hmm. I tried the POF site too. I decided it wasn't for me in the end. I was dismayed to see the percentage of people now communicating entirely in 'text speak'. Any of that in my inbox is automatically deleted. I did get a lot of nice replies, but started to discover the slightly desperate nature of many of the authors. One guy became so intense before our 'date' that in the end I called it off. Sounds harsh, but 10 texts a day is a bit extreme for my liking! I did end up going out with one guy who was actually ok, but to be honest if I learnt one thing through the entire experience, it's that I want to crash into my future partner unexpectedly, or not at all.

I wish you more luck this time around. I also wish I dealt with my last break-up as well as you appear to be dealing with this. 9 months ago saw me snivelling and tear-streaked in class, in the library...I just couldn't stop. It was pretty pathetic!

Edvard Moonke said...

as usual I am tongue-tied and unable to find an adequate comment. but you're definitely on my favourites list. x

herhimnbryn said...

Dear lj, I read your spec and thought what a wonderful person.
So, all you blokes in Canada, where the hell are you?:)

LJ said...

Edvard, I'm honored.

Herhimnbryn - Find me a good Australian!

Darkmind said...

Are you really a sock/shoe/sock/shoe, or just for this particular type of footwear?

LJ said...

Kate - I've wept in the library too. And it's where I work. As Zhoen says,
major "suckage"...

D - It made someone with a foot fetish a happy man. But no, generally it's reasonably sensible boots. One on each foot. Generally.

herhimnbryn said...

I bet there would good Aussie blokes lining up!

Darkmind said...

No, no. I mean, there are three types of people in the world. Those who put on thier socks and shoes like 'sock/sock/shoe/shoe' or they put socks on both feet, then shoes on both feet, those who are 'sock/shoe/sock/shoe' or those who put a sock on one foot, then a shoe on the same foot, and repeat for the other foot. Then there are those who make up the majority of the world who go without socks, shoes, or both...
From the picture, you seem to be a sock/shoe/sock/shoe. Is that normal, or are you just doing it for this picture?

LJ said...

D - Ohhhh. I see what you mean. And.
Not telling.