Tuesday, October 23, 2007

Laugh. I thought I'd never start.

I am hanging onto the edge of a cliff by my fingernails. The cliff is a metaphor for my lifelong belief that love matters, that people are innately good. My fingernails are, well, my fingernails – French-polished and neatly filed, but not much help in the staying alive department. And they make bad philosophers.

In this moment, it is the cliff, the fingernails, a lot of Tracy Chapman songs and Cyndi Lauper howling out “Who Let in the Rain.” It is wine. Whine. Whine. Woman alone music. Apologizing to the cat for being so little fun. It is buying craft supplies, books on soft sculpture, bags of fabric rose petals I-might-use-for-something and lime green dagger beads. It is copying pictures of the Venus De Milo and red apples to print on silk and plans to make a doll with mirror eyes. I’m going to call the doll “romantic love.” Naturally, the doll will have no arms. And I have a strategic spot for the apple. She may, in fact, have wings – or a Virgin Mary halo and horns. It’s part of the overflowing, moldy laundry basket that passes for my mind right now and any month or year now I’m going to sort the laundry and make art.

Or maybe I’ll write a self-help book. When Good Women Fall for Plaid Men. Or Vlad Men.

I want to be an art nun. But no, I keep dating.

Peter Pan. In wolf's clothing.

What.



12 comments:

Darkmind said...

BWA HA HA HA!!! FIRST COMMENT!!! Take that, Zhoen! But seriously, maybe this is not a bad thing. All of my best art was made during times of serious mental turmoil. Maybe its worth it for the artistic result? And two things:
1) never appologize to a cat.
2) If you get a chance I need some advice on a post I am considering writing.
Best of luck with the doll. You must post pictures when you are done though. I'd love to see a doll with creepy eyes and missing arms. And the mirrors are very 'Red Dragon'...nice...

zhoen said...

I shall be more careful never to go first, then, if it so upsets you.

Not angels nor devils, just folks muddling along. I figure people are innately selfish, but want to see themselves as good - sometimes then becoming so. Love comes in all sizes and flavors, usually right behind you, off to the side.

LJ said...

D, sweetheart
1. Impossible
2. Anytime. You know where to reach me.
And..
I don't know if the symbolism means the same to us both...mirror eyes, to me are the way we see ourselves as more in the eyes of a lover. It's our own reflection we fall in love with.
And of course, there's a slight bitterness to seeing Venus as armless. But you're right - art comes out of strong feeling.
And better art than, say, drinking yourself to death.

Zhoen - Behind you and off to the side. Just out of reach. Always.
But if I attract Peter Pan, it's because I'm Petra. Basic Jung. And I know it.

beadbabe49 said...

You know, I think that's another nice idea that got out of hand...(that we attract what we want/deserve, etc.)...I think sometimes we're just plain lucky and mostly not...
I'd love to think I "deserve" my husband, but in my heart of hearts, I know we were just damn lucky to be at the same place, in the same time, and both unattached.
So maybe you just need a stronger good luck charm...:)

LJ said...

Thanks BB - It's nice to think that maybe I'm not somehow bringing all this on. On the other hand, judging from how bad I am at the lottery, "luck" is pretty dodgy. Yep. Need a good luck charm.

Darkmind said...

I was joking, Zhoen. It doesn't bother me in the least bit. I was merely remarking on how frequently you post the first comment on LJ's blogs. If you check, it really is quite often...

Darkmind said...

Okay, on further investigation I see that indeed, you don't really get first comment that often. Hmm...that's odd. Why would I think that? Maybe, Zhoen, its just that yours are the only other comments I pay attention to...

Teri said...

Are we sisters?

I love this post so much. Not that I love your loneliness or discontent - it's just that you suffer in such a pithy, endearing way. It's so fresh.

Your doll sounds fantastic!

Art nun - I fucking LOVE THAT!

LJ said...

We are sisters. Uh-huh. Wish you lived closer.

Minor Deity said...

The partner tends to prefer Pink for "woman alone" or "angry woman" music. Me, I listen to loud, angry, white boy music like Ministry or Sex Pistols.

LJ said...

For women, Jan Arden is also good. And if you're homicidal, Marianne Faithful.
Sex pistols will do for either gender, but if you go there, well...
you're probably past homicidal, right?
Whatcha both listening to these days?
Grinning.

herhimnbryn said...

lj, 'art nun' is good, very good.
Dancing is good too. Belly dancing always works for me. Have you tried it? It makes you feel omnipotent:)