I am so listening. I am. I'm memorizing every word you speak and at the same time, I'm noticing that your socks are different colors and there is egg yolk on your chin. And this whole conversation you don't think I'm listening to will appear in my next blog. So you might as well forgive me now.
Saturday, October 13, 2007
conversations with The Cat
In which it is decided that my purpose is to be furniture. He hopes that this is understood and he won't have to explain it one more time.
"He uses me as furniture. He only pays any attention to me when it means he will get stroked or if I'm making him dinner. Whenever he gets in one of 'those moods' he claws me in the face or bites me. I don't mind though, we all have bad days. Ever since I brought him home he just lays around eating, napping, and getting high on herb. He's so distant, sometimes I wonder if it would make a difference if I was here or not. Yeah, he doesn't seem to care, but have you seen those eyes! (giddy little school girl squeals ensue)"
Now if this were describing a human, we'd all be giving you advice to ditch this awful relationship, and that you are blinded by charms. I swear I will never understand cat people...
D - Ok. I like cats because they never pretend anything. If they don't feel like being affectionate, they aren't. When they do feel affectionate, they are. They don't hang around if you're unkind to them, which seems self-respecting to me. Now a dog will stay with a person who is cruel and neglectful, but a cat will move next door if they're nicer to him there. I love dogs - but that is the difference. Cats are affectionate - and not indiscriminate about it. They like who they like. They're interesting to watch and clever and a little not-tame. I like people like that too. People who don't always do the nice thing but are bluntly honest. Blunt instruments, so to speak. I'm grinning.
Phlegmy...This is true. But he does not hold the secrets of apartment building halls. We have been going walkabout lately and he invariably gets to another floor and howls mournfully at the door in the position of my apartment - even with me standing there saying, "It's ok - you aren't lost. That isn't where you live!" It's sort of sad and hilarious at the same time.
Darkmind - I do not keep a cat as a surrogate man. I keep a cat as a chance to pet a tiger on a daily basis. Seriously, if a house cat was any more than 10 to 15 lbs, we could not keep them.
Sometimes my cat is needy (but not often). When she is not, her wild nature shows and I love to watch her strut her stuff. On the other hand, if I die in my apartment with her, she will eat my face. Bet on it.
Surrogate man? EWWWW!!! There are other types of relationships than romantic ones ya know. I didn't mean it in a gender sense or even in a species sense, but in a respect sense. If you were zapped by a shrink ray and reduced to the size of a mouse, your cat would eat you without a second thought or hesitation. Cats have no respect, no remorse, and no loyalty. That was my point.
13 comments:
They do listen very well, I find. While using one as a sofa.
I call our three, "they who must be obeyed"...makes life easier for all of us, I find...;)
We have a canine that views us as furniture also.
That Cat has gorgeous eyes.
I have new names for The Cat:
Little Pukey Dude
Your Royal Indignation
Your Esteemed Tyrantness
:)
I complain, you understand, but he usually wins.
I liked "His Ungratefulness" the best.
Your cat is planning something - I can see it in his eyes.
"He uses me as furniture. He only pays any attention to me when it means he will get stroked or if I'm making him dinner. Whenever he gets in one of 'those moods' he claws me in the face or bites me. I don't mind though, we all have bad days. Ever since I brought him home he just lays around eating, napping, and getting high on herb. He's so distant, sometimes I wonder if it would make a difference if I was here or not. Yeah, he doesn't seem to care, but have you seen those eyes! (giddy little school girl squeals ensue)"
Now if this were describing a human, we'd all be giving you advice to ditch this awful relationship, and that you are blinded by charms. I swear I will never understand cat people...
KD - He's always plotting.
D - Ok. I like cats because they never pretend anything. If they don't feel like being affectionate, they aren't. When they do feel affectionate, they are. They don't hang around if you're unkind to them, which seems self-respecting to me. Now a dog will stay with a person who is cruel and neglectful, but a cat will move next door if they're nicer to him there. I love dogs - but that is the difference.
Cats are affectionate - and not indiscriminate about it. They like who they like. They're interesting to watch and clever and a little not-tame.
I like people like that too. People who don't always do the nice thing but are bluntly honest. Blunt instruments, so to speak. I'm grinning.
He is very handsome. Very. Plus, he obviously holds the secrets of the universe, so he is to be humored!
Phlegmy...This is true. But he does not hold the secrets of apartment building halls. We have been going walkabout lately and he invariably gets to another floor and howls mournfully at the door in the position of my apartment - even with me standing there saying, "It's ok - you aren't lost. That isn't where you live!" It's sort of sad and hilarious at the same time.
Darkmind - I do not keep a cat as a surrogate man. I keep a cat as a chance to pet a tiger on a daily basis. Seriously, if a house cat was any more than 10 to 15 lbs, we could not keep them.
Sometimes my cat is needy (but not often). When she is not, her wild nature shows and I love to watch her strut her stuff. On the other hand, if I die in my apartment with her, she will eat my face. Bet on it.
Surrogate man? EWWWW!!! There are other types of relationships than romantic ones ya know. I didn't mean it in a gender sense or even in a species sense, but in a respect sense. If you were zapped by a shrink ray and reduced to the size of a mouse, your cat would eat you without a second thought or hesitation. Cats have no respect, no remorse, and no loyalty. That was my point.
he looks so zen. Love the bottom photo, especially.
It is all in the eyes. The cat owns you and not vice-versa.
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